All inspired by this song : [link]









It's really cool cause it starts with the gates to Heaven. And The tall golden gates are shut, and right before them Heaven's army is lined up. Rows and rows of men in gleaming golden armor with white linen. And in front of them the three archangels stand.
And Archangel Gabriel is pacing back and forth with a sword in one hand, rallying them and giving a classical "we're gonna kick ass" speech.
And when he's finished and everyone's shouting and raising thier weapons, the gates are opened. And then it shows Terra's skies. And the clouds are suddenly broken apart and light burns down from the Heavens, and at first only three little black specks dive down.

And they fall and fall from the sky, until it seems they're gonna splat. And right before they hit the ground each of the three archangels snap open thier wings and soar in a perfect corner turn from falling to going parallel with the ground. And Feathers begin to fall like leaves as the entire army decends down, armor blazing and wings unfurled.
And Gabe's in the lead, with Alleluia and Mikhail behind him, leading the army

Then it cuts to battle, and Gabriel's in his full armor fighting, with grime and blood flying up.
(And he's got that sexy determined look on his face ;D)

And as he turns to swing the broadsword toward the imaginary camera/demon's neck, it cuts again. And he's kneeling in the castle to Lacarion and she's dubbing him as Brigade leader. And he looks really dignified but still upset.
And it comes closer to show his fist is balled up and shaking. And then it cuts from his fist to him standing before Saith. And he's showing him that he made Bridage leader. And while it's panning around to show Saith's reaction it cuts before you can. And it shows Gabe with most of his armor either off or torn off and he's covered in blood fighting still.

After a few moments of him fighting he's bringing down his sword to severe a demon's spine and it cuts again, showing a clip of his childhood of Lacarion screaming at him. And it goes through various things. Like showing his face as a child looking all bland in a surgery when he's awake. And then Saith throwing him onto a bed and slamming the door shut (the camera's behind the door so it cuts there) Then it changes to him holding the rabbit's body after he killed it.

And after that it cuts fast to him standing over a dead demon, and war's going on all around him.

(This would be the first pause in the song)

And behind him the sky is still open and light's pouring from heaven casting a gold hue to everything. And angels all over are fighting or standing still watching Gabe, and they're all covered in blood.

And the first base drum noise closes in on Gabe's face, which is leaned down so his hair hides his eyes and expression

And when he lifts his head just slightly it moves to show he's glaring at the demon's body and his sword. And when the music picks up again he turns to face Alleluia, Mikhail, and the few other angels who are standing still looking to him.

And he slowly lifts his face up, and the clouds part more and he moves forward so that the light is over him. And the gold shines his hair and skin and he really looks holy. And he shuts his eyes and sighs. Then he looks back down at himself and he's coated in blood.

At this point it's about 1:57 so it's all slow and sad-ish.

And he lets go of his sword and it hits the ground and he's staring at his hands.
And the camera moves back to show what's behind him and Gabe's back. And a demon is getting up off the ground from faking being dead. It starts moving forward and all the other angels are back to fighting to make sure nothing gets around them to Gabriel.

When the slight chanting starts is when it goes back to an over-the-shoulder where Gabe's balling his bloody hands up. And he makes fists so tight they're shaking like the earlier scene with Lacarion.

And slowly it shifts up where the camera's in front of him, and he has his eyes shut with this really disgusted look on his face, like he hates what he's doing. And you see the demon getting closer behind him.

And he drops his hands to the side while you see the demon slowly lift up this huge sword. And that's when the music picks up just slightly

And it shows a zoom in of Gabe's eyes slammed shut in anger, then slowly crack open just a bit.

And at 2:50 it's like the 300 slow scenes

Gabe turns in a flash and grabs the demon's wrist with one hand, and moves to avoid the slash. And with his other hand he barrels a fist towards the demon's side.

And at the last second he opens his hand, and his nails dig in like a weapon into the demon's side

And he yanks his hand (which went in wrist-deep) out, and it's coated in blood. And the demon sinks to the ground sputtering.

And Gabe's staring at his hands while the blood drips off it. And the music's fast again so it cuts to him in the castle when Lacarion was dubbing him. And he was kneeling and now he suddenly bursts to his feet and he's shouting something.
Then it cuts to Saith's reaction and he's smiling and nodding and pats Gabe's shoulder.

Then it cuts to various scenes of his childhood and being emotionless and becoming a weapon, and killing things. And it shows him in a war at age nine, killing children in a street.

And it just progressivly shows him in all these war memories with blood all over him and his hands

And when the music starts getting really dramatic the scenes of him killing demons just get worse and worse

And when the music breaks from really dramatic to slightly slowed (around 3:29) it shows the war he's currently at. And angels all in front of him are fighting and killing demons.

And it's showing close in scenes of different angels slaughtering demons

And near the end it shows one angel slash a demon's neck open, and the blood sprays up and it shows just a spray of blood against the parted golden clouds with the light pouring down.

And it cuts from gabe's face turning from blank to disgusting, to scenes of the war. And it goes back and forth like that for a bit.

And the end where it's calm it just has him bathed in the golden light staring at his blood covered hands

Things have ben swirling around a lot lately. Between indifference and caring. Ironic that the caring always leads to stress.
It's sad how i've become stressed just at the thought of typing up a deviant journal. Thoughts of who will read this, what they'll try to say or start from each of my words. It's strange to look at a sentence and realize words set out so clearly may be taken by someone and used in the wrong ways. But as his father says, I digress.

Things have changed a lot. Blacks faded to whites, and whites to black. I look back on what I had and what I lost, and what i've gained. And strangely enough i'm happy. I suppose the correct thing to do is say i'm writing this journal for me and me alone, but that would be a lie. And i'm tired of petty lies and artificial coverings. I know full and well each word I write may hit a mark, may reach people who should or shouldn't read what I have to say anymore.

But it's ok. Things are ok, and they always will be if I take it slowly.
I know lots of you may not understand what i'm saying, and in a funny sense I don't think you're supposed to. Because I don't want to understand it either, I don't want to realize what i'm writing is my truth. Not your truth, or our truth, but my truth.
Mostly because there is no 'the truth'. Truth is highly subjective to personal opinion after all.

I think what i've learned most is that it's true what they say. Mostly, when I look back at high school thus far and realize it's almost over, I laugh. I laugh at the drama, which used to mean everything. I laugh at myself and my old friends and new enemies. I laugh at sad memories and angry ones. And I laugh at how I never beleived people when they said high school won't matter down the road.
In small ways it does. It shapes us and changes us from children to bigger children. But in all the ways I thought it was so soild and important, it really wasn't.

It doesn't matter who hates you or who likes you in high school. It doesn't matter who hates you or who likes you afterwards either. What matters is who you like and hate. And I think i'm finally adult enough to say what I want without care of who hates or lies me because of it. I'm tired of trying to turn words and instances around so that everyone's on my side. No human has the time to ever accomplish that, and i'm most definatly human. So this is for some my parting words, and for others, I can't really say where it will lead us.


To Katie Harper,

Thank you. I didn't really think i'd say that when I looked to the most recent drama and you, but I am. Beleive it or not you've ended up being a small light in a musty tunnel. You were there, always waiting to listen to me. And in times like recent, that's the most important thing a person can ever do. So thank you for the silly laughs in school, and the funny memories of cutting my hair. Thank you for the fights that tought me lessons, and thank you for waiting for me. For always standing still between war and peace and waiting to hear me. I don't know if i'll see much of you after you graduate, but i'm happy for the times we've had up to now, and any we'll have (good or bad) afterwards.


To Summer Powers,

I won't lie to you. To speak as if you are a friend would be a lie. But also to treat you as an enemy is. I'm not going to say your letter made me happy, and to be honest, it evoked a lot of emotions. You'll probably be sad to know most of them were anger and not much else. I burned that letter and I won't lie, it made me happy to do so. I'm burning bridges, and when I come to ours it seems you already lit the match for me. To know you were disappointed at not enjoying seeing me in a hard time hurt to hear. But I won't dwell on it, because that's terribly unhealthy. But i'm glad you feel happy in your life. I'll remember a lot about you. Our fights in middle school, all the times we laughed and cried together in High school, and so many more. I think what i'll cherish most is the sound of your voice whenever you'd thank me, usually for things that didn't even deserve a thanks. I'll try to focus on the laughs we shared instead of the pain of recent choices. As much as i'm torn on the matter, I think it was your choice to let this be goodbye. I don't know what memories of me you'll choose to keep, but hopefully at least one of them will be both of us smiling like we used to.


To Tyler Duncan,

I feel like throwing aside the silly pretenses of "I don't know why you picked me" and things like such. Instead I want to focus on thoughts and feelings. Simple thoughts of loving you, and complex ones, of how I don't care how much time we've spent together compared to how much more we have. Afterall, it's kind of funny to compare ten months to the rest of our lives.
I know I can tell people till I turn blue that I really beleive in our relationship and they still might not take me seriosuly. But I have lead the horse to water and I can do no more. You're turned me around in all the right ways, and I hope i've done at least a little of that for you. I love you with a love much stronger than a common love, and I nearly cry whenever I think that I never have to let you go.
Cheers to a beautiful tomorrow on each horizon we see together.


To Kristin Walters,

Things aren't what they were. There's a poster on the wall that says "a ming stretched to a bigger idea never fits it's old dimensions". The same thing can be said to things that have been broken. We can glue and tape the old together as much as we want, but there will always be cracks. I don't want tom compare our friendship to how we used to be anymore. It will bring us nothing but mourn for the old. But instead I want to keep those memories in my heart and focus on the new. It may not be what is once was, but in itself it's still beautiful. When I've felt everythign else turn it's back you're still there. And I think that serves as it's own hope that our friendship now still has pieces of what it was. And oh, just think of what it one day will be.
I don't know what the future holds for us, but I know it will be bright. Because there's no hate between us, and that's the purest form of friendship. I want to let go of mourning for how things used to be, and enjoy how they are. You're still my sister, no matter what happens, and I never want to lose that bond. I don't care what people think has happened between us.
What I know is that I still care about you, and hopefully you do to me. I miss you, but you'll always be my friend. Thank you for the memories I will always hold as close to my heart as I can, and thank you for the memories I look forward to experiancing with you. This is not goodbye, this is simply an "Until we meet again".


Expect mroe everyone, i'm far from finished.

Things have ben swirling around a lot lately. Between indifference and caring. Ironic that the caring always leads to stress.
It's sad how i've become stressed just at the thought of typing up a deviant journal. Thoughts of who will read this, what they'll try to say or start from each of my words. It's strange to look at a sentence and realize words set out so clearly may be taken by someone and used in the wrong ways. But as his father says, I digress.

Things have changed a lot. Blacks faded to whites, and whites to black. I look back on what I had and what I lost, and what i've gained. And strangely enough i'm happy. I suppose the correct thing to do is say i'm writing this journal for me and me alone, but that would be a lie. And i'm tired of petty lies and artificial coverings. I know full and well each word I write may hit a mark, may reach people who should or shouldn't read what I have to say anymore.

But it's ok. Things are ok, and they always will be if I take it slowly.
I know lots of you may not understand what i'm saying, and in a funny sense I don't think you're supposed to. Because I don't want to understand it either, I don't want to realize what i'm writing is my truth. Not your truth, or our truth, but my truth.
Mostly because there is no 'the truth'. Truth is highly subjective to personal opinion after all.

I think what i've learned most is that it's true what they say. Mostly, when I look back at high school thus far and realize it's almost over, I laugh. I laugh at the drama, which used to mean everything. I laugh at myself and my old friends and new enemies. I laugh at sad memories and angry ones. And I laugh at how I never beleived people when they said high school won't matter down the road.
In small ways it does. It shapes us and changes us from children to bigger children. But in all the ways I thought it was so soild and important, it really wasn't.

It doesn't matter who hates you or who likes you in high school. It doesn't matter who hates you or who likes you afterwards either. What matters is who you like and hate. And I think i'm finally adult enough to say what I want without care of who hates or lies me because of it. I'm tired of trying to turn words and instances around so that everyone's on my side. No human has the time to ever accomplish that, and i'm most definatly human. So this is for some my parting words, and for others, I can't really say where it will lead us.


To Katie Harper,

Thank you. I didn't really think i'd say that when I looked to the most recent drama and you, but I am. Beleive it or not you've ended up being a small light in a musty tunnel. You were there, always waiting to listen to me. And in times like recent, that's the most important thing a person can ever do. So thank you for the silly laughs in school, and the funny memories of cutting my hair. Thank you for the fights that tought me lessons, and thank you for waiting for me. For always standing still between war and peace and waiting to hear me. I don't know if i'll see much of you after you graduate, but i'm happy for the times we've had up to now, and any we'll have (good or bad) afterwards.


To Summer Powers,

I won't lie to you. To speak as if you are a friend would be a lie. But also to treat you as an enemy is. I'm not going to say your letter made me happy, and to be honest, it evoked a lot of emotions. You'll probably be sad to know most of them were anger and not much else. I burned that letter and I won't lie, it made me happy to do so. I'm burning bridges, and when I come to ours it seems you already lit the match for me. To know you were disappointed at not enjoying seeing me in a hard time hurt to hear. But I won't dwell on it, because that's terribly unhealthy. But i'm glad you feel happy in your life. I'll remember a lot about you. Our fights in middle school, all the times we laughed and cried together in High school, and so many more. I think what i'll cherish most is the sound of your voice whenever you'd thank me, usually for things that didn't even deserve a thanks. I'll try to focus on the laughs we shared instead of the pain of recent choices. As much as i'm torn on the matter, I think it was your choice to let this be goodbye. I don't know what memories of me you'll choose to keep, but hopefully at least one of them will be both of us smiling like we used to.


To Tyler Duncan,

I feel like throwing aside the silly pretenses of "I don't know why you picked me" and things like such. Instead I want to focus on thoughts and feelings. Simple thoughts of loving you, and complex ones, of how I don't care how much time we've spent together compared to how much more we have. Afterall, it's kind of funny to compare ten months to the rest of our lives.
I know I can tell people till I turn blue that I really beleive in our relationship and they still might not take me seriosuly. But I have lead the horse to water and I can do no more. You're turned me around in all the right ways, and I hope i've done at least a little of that for you. I love you with a love much stronger than a common love, and I nearly cry whenever I think that I never have to let you go.
Cheers to a beautiful tomorrow on each horizon we see together.


To Kristin Walters,

Things aren't what they were. There's a poster on the wall that says "a ming stretched to a bigger idea never fits it's old dimensions". The same thing can be said to things that have been broken. We can glue and tape the old together as much as we want, but there will always be cracks. I don't want tom compare our friendship to how we used to be anymore. It will bring us nothing but mourn for the old. But instead I want to keep those memories in my heart and focus on the new. It may not be what is once was, but in itself it's still beautiful. When I've felt everythign else turn it's back you're still there. And I think that serves as it's own hope that our friendship now still has pieces of what it was. And oh, just think of what it one day will be.
I don't know what the future holds for us, but I know it will be bright. Because there's no hate between us, and that's the purest form of friendship. I want to let go of mourning for how things used to be, and enjoy how they are. You're still my sister, no matter what happens, and I never want to lose that bond. I don't care what people think has happened between us.
What I know is that I still care about you, and hopefully you do to me. I miss you, but you'll always be my friend. Thank you for the memories I will always hold as close to my heart as I can, and thank you for the memories I look forward to experiancing with you. This is not goodbye, this is simply an "Until we meet again".


Expect mroe everyone, i'm far from finished.

Or perhaps just horrible mutilation would be better?
I don't know, but I really just can't imagine taking one step forward anymore. It's not that i'm really going to kill myself.

But I feel like it. If there wasn't a beautiful person who loved me in my life I know I would by now. He's the only thing keeping me tied down. Because honestly I can't stand this world. These people and their lives, and everything I go through day after day.

I always think about how sad he'd be though, so I never can actually consider killing myself. I still have times where I think about cutting myself, but I know how disappointed he'd be.

It's because no one else believes me, or listens to me, or cares. My mother is too ever-changing to trust with my emotions. And with how much she's already hurt me I can never really have a normal relationship with her.
My father's a pedophile, who i've only ever met once in my life.



I always feel like i'm such a fucking let down.
Maybe if I was a better daughter my mother wouldn't be miserable with her life? Maybe if I wasn't such a screw up my grandmother wouldn't hate me so much.
Maybe if I hadn't fucked everything up i'd actually get to put on a cap and gown and smile at my family and say "I did it".

I'm going to get my diploma, but I won't be on time. I will never wear a graduation uniform, I will never walk a line, I will never accept my diploma and shake someone's hand.
Because i'm a screw up. And it hurts more than I can stand to let anyone, even Tyler, know.

I'll never have that. I may be good, but I wasn't good enough.
I may be smart, but i'm not smart enough.
I may be pretty, but i'm not pretty enough.



You guys were all right. Congratulations. I have no really friends anymore. I have drifted away from everyone, and everyone had either left me, or just drifted.
No one really knows me anymore except Tyler. And even now I feel like the biggest bitch in the world, because he's turnign 18 this weekend and here I am blubbering about my problems.

So I guess you all were right. Katie, Joseph, Zach, you guys must be so happy to finally see this. If you ever do.
But you three were right. I have no friends, i've fucked my whole life to pieces. I'm selfish and i'm a bitch, just like you said. I can't do anythign right, and you three are pretty damn smart for seeing that before anyone else ever did.



And Tyler i'm so, so sorry. I thought I could hold it together until past this weekend. I could be strong enough for that, right?
Hah, guess I wasn't good enough for that either.

I hate myself more than anything on most days. Because i'm insane and stupid and self-centered. I can never get anythign right, and I can't even fix the simplest of problems.




Maybe if I was better I could help my family? If I was good enough to make mom and gramma happy, maybe they wouldn't fight? Maybe if I made straight A's and went to day school... Maybe if I was graduating on time, if I hadn't been a sophomore twice...
I just wish I was better. And i'm not. I'm a let down, and i'm sorry.

I just wish I had something, you know? Something to show for it all. I asked about transferring to day school and night school at the same time. I know none of you ever want to see me around school again, but I wanted to walk a line and graduate.
But I can't, i'm still going to be a loser. My counselor kept telling me that "you've done so well, you came in with 12 credits, and you need 21 to graduate, and you'll make all 9 of them up!"

But that doesn't matter. So what if i'm taking 3 classes a day and one extra credit recovery class? So what if I already recovered a class in credit? It doesn't matter, because all it means is that I fucked up before.
All it means is that I screwed up so bad that I have to do all this just to level it out. These aren't accomplishments, i'm just trying stupidly to fix mistakes.




Sometimes I think about getting up when they're fighting and stabbing myself. Just to see if they'd notice, or care. I think about cutting myself, to see if they'd ever notice the scars. They never did before.
Would they blame themselves? Would they blame me? Would they even care?

I wish someone did. But the only person who cares is miles away in his own house. I'm on my own for this, and I shouldn't be selfish enough to bother him about it anyways.

I'm not even strong enough to handle my own problems.
God I really hate myself sometimes.